no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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