if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
