This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
