I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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