i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Randomize
