he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I skipped work to stalk him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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