I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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