Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
