just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
