do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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