eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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