Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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