took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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