Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Two words: nipple clamps
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