Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I need a beard to bite.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
