It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
