I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize