Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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