champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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