one two three fourrrrnication!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
