Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
