Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
