Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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