We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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