i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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