3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
