I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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