my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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