she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
where does the pee come out of this thing
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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