having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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