do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
