My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
