I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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