I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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