Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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