This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
