I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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