if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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