id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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