just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
