is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
