I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
