It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
