I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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