While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize