he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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