I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
