I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize