I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
