whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Pappa wants mamma naked
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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