people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
