Did you just see the Batmobile???
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm really busy with my period
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