you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
