I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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