So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
