why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
