Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
