I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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