I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize