i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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