Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
