When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
