I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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