I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
