I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
