Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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