i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
