pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
