Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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