She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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