So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
