My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
