that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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